OPEN MINDED - WHAT DOES IT ACTUALLY MEAN?

Open minded are not those who say that they are open minded in today’s open minded world, but never let their girls wear small cloths thinking it provokes rape. Open minded people are not those who say they are open minded but do not let their child marry a girl from another caste. Open minded are not those who say they are open minded, but after knowing a girl’s best friend is a boy, they think she sleeps with him. Open minded are not those who say they are open minded, but never want to marry a non-virgin girl thinking that she is a slut. Open minded are not those who say they are open minded, but have problem with their children who want to follow their dreams, because their dreams are impossible. Open minded are not those who say they are open minded, but never accept homosexuality thinking mentally retarded people do that.

In the society, a lot of people pretend being open minded, but only when it comes to other people about whom they do not care, about whom they don’t give a damn. When it comes to them, they are conservative, reserved, closed minded about some issues, especially those which puts people in minority, out of flow. When they see other girls wearing short clothes, they think this is today’s generation, the world is changing. When their own girl asks for permission to allow her to wear skirts, they are not allowed. The explanation is what will people think or it provokes rape? They don’t realize that when they were the ‘people’, they didn’t care. And only rapist mind is responsible for rapes. Women are raped in full clothes. It doesn’t matter what kind of clothes they are wearing, what matters is our attitude towards it. It is all about attitude. Some guys date those girls who think they are open minded, but do not want to introduce to his parents, because according to them, she is not that type of girl. What type of guys they are? They work with the female colleagues, but never want their wife to work outside kitchen. Why does everything change when it concerns us?

If it not acceptable to wear small clothes, then we should not pretend that we are open minded. We are asking someone to compromise their individuality, so we should not have problem when someone is asking us to compromise ours. If we are dominating others, we should not expect freedom of choice. If we have a bad attitude of looking at others who are open minded, we should not expect them look at from a good point of view because we are closed minded. In the name of tradition and culture, we are putting restrictions on them. Indirectly, we are not only putting the restrictions, we are depriving them of their birthrights.

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Today's letter is 'O'.

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NON-CONFORMITY - THE PRICE OF BEING DIFFERENT

I always wanted to do something different, something that will make me unique. I didn’t know what it will be? But only thought that occupied my mind from the childhood was what makes me, ‘me’? What I can do, anybody can do that. There has to be something for which only mine. I never knew what it will be, but in subconscious mind, the thought was there. And, I am blessed to have something unique. I got it. I also came to know that it has to be shared to benefit others. The purpose of having some unique gifts is to benefit human kind. It should not be restricted to us; but everyone should make the most of it. I have a purpose to live for, dedicate my life for. It is unique and different. I think differently, I look at the world differently. Actually, I look at it from my own point of view and because everyone is different, what I see automatically becomes different. Everyone can do that.

But the most difficult part of being different, unique or going against the flow is the struggle for acceptance of the idea by people. You know that the non-conformist idea and beliefs will surely helpful for others to their lives better, to make this world better; but the question is, whether people will believe you or not. It doesn’t get accepted easily because those ideas flow against the current. So people avoid trying new or different things that challenge the convention. That’s where the struggle lies. The revolutionary idea is useless if people are not using it for their benefit. The idea is revolutionary doesn’t matter at that phase, selling the idea matters. As George Bernard Shaw said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man,” but the progress takes place when those non-conformists are able to sell the idea.

Being a non-conformist is fascinating to conformist people, but they fail to understand the struggle behind it. The struggle starts from home itself. The rejections start from home itself. Our parents do not support it. When we are exhausted rebelling against our parents, the whole new level of struggle starts when we try the non-conformist ideas to the world. We can’t rebel against it because we are too exhausted. In addition to that, the world doesn’t care about the struggle; it only cares about how it will be benefited from it. In the process, we get too lonely. We have to accept the fact that we have to believe in ourselves when no one does. And, it hurts. The loneliness is favorable in the process of creating something different, it is a great source of creativity; but not in the process of struggle to get acceptance from the world. Flowing against the current is difficult, but flowing with it is lethal. So, the beauty of the struggle is that we get to live the life that is uniquely ours, not somebody else’s.

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This post is also a part of Ultimate Blog Challenge and A to Z Challenge. 

Today's letter is 'N'.

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MAGNETISM - FEW MOMENTS OF ATTRACTION

We lose track of everything when we are immersed in a work we love to do. It feels that the time is passing so rapidly. But when we have to do the work we don’t care about, we question why the time is passing so slowly. We can’t help it. We need a reason for not doing that work. That’s when the excuses emerge. We start finding a ways to either procrastinate or avoid that work. Though, we know that we got no option for it. One day or another, we have to do it, willingly or unwillingly. Then why do we find excuses for not doing that work now? Why does our mind repel that work? Do we lack the sense of responsibility? A lot of people do not reach where they want, not because of lack of talent or skill, but they spend time doing things they don’t care about.

Yes, due to circumstances, we have to make those choices. We have to choose the work that we do not care about for the sake different reasons like feeding a family or we do not know what the work that we love is? We never go deep inside ourselves, because we are too busy running with the pace of the world. Even we know what that work is, we cannot find the courage to pursue it. If we pursue it, many obstacles try to stop us, and maybe we give up because we can’t take those. Not because we are weak, but we are naïve. We don’t know what it takes to get the job done. We don’t know what the future holds for us, so we hesitate while taking the bold step. But we never realize that uncertainty is the only certain thing. So, whatever the path we will choose, it will be there with us.

Still, we don’t take the path; maybe less travelled or not travelled at all, because we don’t get the approval. But deep inside, that thing which is so dear to us remains. It comes out in different ways. Thought it’s not the mainstream work, but it has magnetism. We get attracted to it through indirect ways. While doing anything, we think about it the moment we find any connection or reference to it. We forget the work in hand for some moment and lose ourselves in those beautiful experiences of thinking about it. It doesn’t matter whether we are getting something out of it or not, the experience is the biggest reward. It feels that it counts in our account of life. It makes us feel alive. The magnet has a force of attraction which attracts the truth. We may feel miserable all the time we are into the work that we don’t care about, but the few moments of attraction makes everything beautiful.

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Today's letter is 'M'.

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LOVE - THE SOURCE OF INSPIRATION

When there is no inspiration, the motivation is futile. Because, inspiration occurs from within, from inside to outside, but motivation comes from outside to inside. If we are not driven by a purpose, we just wander on the whole football pitch, not knowing where to score. My situation was something opposite of this. I knew where the goal is, but no inspiration to score. No inspiration to run, pass and score. I had to pass all the subjects, but didn’t feel like studying. I found no purpose in passing the exam though it was my final year. It was the most important phase of my career. If I start right, it can save a lot of efforts in the later stages of life.

But what if we have no inspiration to start? What if we have no purpose? It was the basic thing. Just complete the graduation and then think what to do. I lost the interest in completing the graduation at that point of time and I didn’t know why? I tried different methods to focus on studies and not on everything else, but I used to get distracted by small things. It was like I was trying to find ways not to study.

On the other hand, I tried to test the idea of my business on few people. I went to my college with my friend who was invited to give a motivational speech. Some of his friends attended the same whom I didn’t know. It was an opportunity for me to test my idea on strangers. I took it. I told them about themselves from their smiles, took their feedback and made some new friends. They were more interested in knowing how I got the idea in the first place.

It is always enchanting to tell the stories that are original, which made a big impact on your life. The process was spontaneous. I didn’t want any motivation for that. I wanted to tell them more and more. How this will benefit them in many ways? Why they should recommend this to their friends? Due to time constrain, I couldn’t give them everything I had to offer. The feeling of something holding inside was making me sick. I never wanted something in return, only wanted to give everything I had inside. I just wanted get everything out. I could not keep it inside. I wanted to share the special gifts. The external motivation was no matter, because I was inspired by a purpose bigger than myself. The purpose by which, not only me but also others were benefited from it. The source of this inspiration was nothing but love for the idea, because it was making the world better.

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Today's letter is 'L'.

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KARMA - WHAT GOES AROUND, TURNS AROUND

Giving justifications was leading me astray from myself. I was becoming more and more irresponsible day by day thinking that I'll be on the track when I'll do the work I love. Just because I didn't care about something doesn't mean I should have no sense of responsibility. Lack of responsibility was being my way of life. I was enjoying the state of being; but actually it was making me lazy, deprived of my duties. I hadn't started preparations for the exam.

All I used to do was pretending in front of parents that I was studying. Only sitting at one place and daydreaming that one day will be my day. Picturing in my mind and drawing it on paper about what I want to become one day, I was wasting my time. Daydreaming is not a bad thing; but doing anything in excess is. All I ever did was find different ways waste time and finish the day. Parents were feeding me, so there was nothing to worry about. But I was blaming them for not supporting me in my endeavors. I didn't know how all this will turn out, because I surrendered myself to instant gratification.

I used to see the big picture of my life, of my business; but what about the present day? One day or another, I had faced my own karma. Everything was going to turn around. Every action had consequences. But as Steve Jobs said, we can't connect the dots by looking into the future. I was unaware of the fact that every dot will be connected even if I act irresponsibly. At the present moment, we have no idea of how this will turn out. So what's in our hands right now is to do the work sincerely and honestly. This is what we realize when the time is gone.

Easier said than done. What about implementation? When the habit gets into the head, it gets very difficult to get rid of it and install a new, healthy habit. The mind is so powerful that once gets conditioned, it is very difficult to recondition. It is attracted to bad things easily, indirectly, to bad habits easily. The only way to recondition it is through hard work. It actually takes work. Otherwise, it is always the karma which decides everything. It is up to us, what face and what not to. Karma is nothing but a choice, a conscious decision. The moment of truth hurts more on the day when everything turns around than the pleasure in days of solace. Only regrets remain and we have to accept that and move on.

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Today's letter is 'K'.

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JUSTIFY - THE FALLACIOUS USE OF MIND

When the mind’s great ability, to reason, is used erroneously; the repercussions are unthinkable. When this way of thinking becomes habit, the great things are beyond our grasp. This happens when we don’t find anything worthy, so we try to avoid it by giving excuses or unnecessary justifications to prove that we are right. Sometimes, we justify our fears by giving excuses for not doing the work that should be done at any cost. That does not mean we should use another ability to justify our inabilities. This is what I was doing when I made a mistake and I couldn’t take a stand for myself because the odds were against me. The life didn’t knock me down; I knocked myself down by my own hands. Life wasn’t unfair to me; I was irresponsible.

I was literally discovering boredom in those days. I was not allowed to do anything about making a dream into a reality. Because I got 4 backlogs and my parents thought that my dream was the reason for my distraction. They were right. It was the reason for my pathetic result. My mind was so creative at that time. When I had to study and clear those backlogs, it was busy in creating excuses for my irresponsible choice of focusing on things that didn’t matter at that time over the things that was important at that time.

I used to think that they should not form an opinion about me based on the university mark sheet. The great ones had failed in schools and colleges, yet they were able to achieve something huge, beyond imagination. I can also do that. Why were they taking it so seriously? These sheets can’t decide my future. I create it, not the university. Three college drop-outs are now the most important people in the field of technology and they are self-made billionaires. I was not thinking about dropping out from college, I just wanted to do what I love. Why this sheet of papers will decide my fate?

Actually, they didn’t have problem with my result; they had problem with my irresponsible nature. They were ready to give me four months assuming that I had graduated from college. But still, I was busy in finding the justifications for what I had done. It was of no use. It was waste of creativity, use of mind for wrong purpose. It took me away from the right path. The habit of giving justifications is so harmful to man’s character. It yields nothing, but takes deep down to the place of misery.

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This post is also a part of Ultimate Blog Challenge and A to Z Challenge. 

Today's letter is 'J'.

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INEVITABLE - ACTION HAS CONSEQUNCES

Once the decision had been made by parents and it’s against our will, the feeling of hatred for them is inevitable. We blame them thinking why they were making decisions for us, why can’t we make those for ourselves? Though they want our good, and there were no bad intentions; but we hate them. We don’t like the fact that they were controlling our life. We want freedom of choice, not only the career choice, whom to marry, what to do at any point of time and everything. We just don’t want things to be told to us. When it comes to doing things close to our hearts, it just gets worst. We hate the fact that they are telling us what to do thinking that we are insane or crazy or being unrealistic. Though the thing makes us happy, they are more concerned about practicality and what people will think if things don’t work out. They think more about who will marry you if you fail to make respectable money in others eyes.

But we can’t blame them. Whatever is happening around us, we are responsible. I created that situation; I got the backlogs, now it’s my responsibility to clear it. Their reaction was obvious. Who does that irresponsible thing in final year? I had to follow what they were saying, I had no option. The odds weren’t against me; I defied all the boundaries of their tolerance by doing something irresponsible. No matter how much I blame university or life, it was me who was responsible. They asked me to focus on studies and no business or anything related to that, so I had to agree. It was my mistake. I made them make that decision for me and I couldn’t counter.

I couldn’t stop what I wanted to do fully. So I used to go to the ground of our colony in the evening every day. Find a friend and start asking him whether he wanted to know about himself or whether his relationship will work or not from his smile. I informed them that there was no charge. So everyone agreed.  It benefited me two ways: One, I wasn’t loosing the touch, because it was a good practice for me. Second, I was building a network though I was giving them my services for free. Another reason for giving my services to friends was, I did my research based on the observations I did while hanging out with them. I used to have more understanding of human nature while I was interacting with them. And formed my theory based on the material I was getting by being with them. I was taking something from them, so it would be unfair if I charge them for that. I wanted to return what I took from them, so I was giving them my services for free.

For next few days, I used to study whole day; actually pretend that I was studying and in the evening, consult my friends. I wasn’t enjoying those days, but for every moment, thinking about the day when I’ll be free to live my dream.

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This post is also a part of Ultimate Blog Challenge and A to Z Challenge. 

Today's letter is 'I'.

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HALT - THE SUDDEN STOP BEFORE START

I had 4 months to test the idea. I was so excited that I couldn’t decide from where should I start? I decide to have a team with me to do the various tasks which I was not good at. They can also give me some new ideas about how to run this business. I started recollecting any special incidences from college. I thought that it will be helpful if I present this idea to my friends and take help from them. Some of my friends believed in my idea and were ready to help. Forming a team will help me making up for my weaknesses and together, we achieve more. I started getting in touch with them and asked them about how will they contribute in this if they decide to?

In that week, only after seven days of permission from parents, the results were announced. I knew I was getting two backlogs, but I got 4 backlogs. I was shocked and frightened. I couldn’t believe that. The more difficult task was to tell parents about it. I had to come clean. But, with this result, I couldn’t imagine their reaction. So, I first told my mother. She was also shocked. I didn’t have guts to tell my father. My mother sent me to bring something from market and in the meantime, she told my father about the result. When I came back, he didn’t react. But I realized that he knew.

I realized at that moment that my dream was in danger. He might order me to stop what I wanted to do and concentrate on clearing those subjects. Who gets 4 backlogs in final year? I must be crazy! What was I thinking at the time of papers? The distraction at the time of preparation leave affected me extremely. I knew he was outrageous, but wasn’t reacting. In the end, after the dinner, he confronted me. I had no excuse. I had to follow whatever he will ask me to do, because I made a big mistake at the crucial point of time in my life.

He ordered me to stop everything I was doing and wanted to do and focus on studies to pass all subjects in the next exam. I had no option than stopping what I was doing and do as he said. I felt that I will never be able to live my dream, because the consequences can be brutal. He actually used the word ‘Timepass’ for my business idea. I came to know that he didn’t want to give me those 4 months, but he allowed just for the sake of allowing. I was uncertain about my future of this business. It didn’t even start and it came to halt. Yes, things don’t go the way we planned, we have to improvise. But, I had no idea that I had to improvise this earlier in the journey. Truth to be told, I didn’t have to improvise, I had to stop what I was doing and do as per my parents were saying. I was mad at myself thinking how I can be so naïve that I didn’t prioritize. How can I be so irresponsible? What will I do when I will get into business? This nature is not good for business. It won’t survive longer. I didn’t realize this at that time because everything seems so fascinating. I could realize what will be the consequences of my choices.

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This post is also a part of Ultimate Blog Challenge and A to Z Challenge. 

Today's letter is 'H'.

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GRATITUDE LETTER

Continued From -  FACE IT

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I thought about different ways to convince them for next two days. While trying to figure out ways from whatever I had read till that day, it reminded me of one of the principles mentioned in book, ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People.’ It said that when you want others to appreciate what you have, you should first appreciate what they have. It applied in my situation that I should tell my parents what they had done to me and they will appreciate what I have. The only way to make them believe in me was to appreciate their efforts, their sacrifices and their love.

But, how to do it? Only telling them won’t make any difference. There should be the way in which my deepest feeling will be conveyed. Again, my reading habit came to the rescue. I read a book, ‘The Whole New Mind,’ by Daniel Pink, in which he mentioned about gratitude letters. Writing a letter to your loved ones to thank them for whatever they had done for you. It should be written on the paper in your own handwriting, no typing and read aloud in front of them. He also mentioned that people cry after reading and listening to these letters. Relationships had been healed, strong bonding had been restored and lot more benefits with the single letter.

The concept was simple, but the execution was so difficult for me. I think twice, thrice before asking anything to my father. How was I going to write and read a gratitude letter in these conditions in which he might be mad at me? It was exciting, but I thought about discarding this way. But I had no other way, so I decided to go with this.

For the whole night, when everybody slept, I took a pen and a book and started thinking about all the sacrifices or special things they had done for me from the childhood. Reminiscing all, I made some rough notes of memories. I could recollect from 3^rd standard. Once I got enough memories, I started writing an actual letter. My chest was pounding. I couldn’t imagine what will happen when I will actually read aloud in front of them. It was Thursday night. Till 4 am in the morning, I finished both the letters. One for mother and one for father. I decided that I will read them in front of them on Saturday night. I couldn’t gather courage on that night. So I decided, on the Sunday night. Again, I couldn’t.

While sleeping, I was determined that I will do it next morning no matter what. On the Monday morning, I took two letters and two photographs. One photograph was me and father in which he was holding me on right arm when I was 2 years old and another was me and mother in same pose. I went into the hall. He was watching TV. Without giving any idea of what I was going to do, I started reading the letter which included little incidences of sacrifices and special things he did for me from childhood till that day and thanked him for each and every little thing. He was startled. When I finished reading, I gave it to him with a photograph. I did the same thing with my mother. When I finished with both, father didn’t take it seriously and mother demanded that I should write a book on her, only a letter won’t do anything. We chuckled. I didn’t get any reaction mentioned in that book, so I was little disappointed thinking that the impact hadn’t been made.

After two minutes silence, my mother asked why did I do it? I answered that to appreciate what you had done for me. Then she asked me about what had whether I decided about my future. I told them that I want 4 months to test this idea, and then I will decide what to do. They agreed. I was happy. At least for 4 months, I will live my dream. Who knows what will happen next? But, one thing I learned that day. Only 20 seconds of courage and everything changes.

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This post is also a part of Ultimate Blog Challenge and A to Z Challenge. 

Today's letter is 'G'.

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FACE IT - IT'S THE TIME

It took me one and half months to gather courage to confront to my parents about what I want to do. I was pretending that I wanted to a job, but every time I felt guilty of pretending. When they were doing so much for me, they deserve honesty from me. So, I first told about it to my mother that I have been planning to do a business using my research. She suggested me to do it part time. But to plant a new idea in people’s mind is not an easy job. It requires dedicated and consistent efforts. To achieve that, I can’t do it a part time business. According to my mother, uncertainty was as issue, but she didn’t say it directly. At first, she could see opportunities. I was able to present the facts which I prepared during that one and half month. Though, she was showing support, I knew from her body language that she hadn’t accepted my idea of risking.

The high command was my father. Their approval and acceptance was more important. My mother told me to ask father and then decide. As there has always been a fear of father’s reaction due to his short tempered nature, I couldn’t gather courage to confront him on the day I decided. Not even after three days after that day. I wasted four days in procrastination due to my fear. But I had to do it one day; otherwise regrets would have been more painful. It was Thursday. After having dinner, my parents were watching TV in the hall. I was in bedroom holding the book to help me present my view in front of them and walking back and forth. Mt brother also thought that I’d gone crazy. He asked, ‘what was the matter with you?’ I ignored him. And I went straight in the hall.

I said that I want to discuss about what I wanted to do with my life. Mother looked at me; but father was looking at TV and said ‘hmm’. I started telling them what I want to do and how I was going to do it. Still, father nodded looking at TV. Was that program so important? I couldn’t understand why he was taking me for granted? Only one reason. My mother had told him about it and he made up his mind about it. So he closed his mind and don’t want to take inputs from me. Or at least listen to what I had to say. The moment I came to know this, I closed my book and realized it was going to be so difficult. How can we give something if someone is not ready to accept? I barely said four lines and stopped noticing his reaction.

When I stopped, he turned off TV and then looked at me. He gave me every reason for next one hour about practicality and why I should not pursue what I really wanted to do. To my surprise, mother was also supporting him. They explained me every aspect of practicality, from why money is so important to why people won’t pay me for giving them advices, from you don’t have any degree to why idea is very difficult to plant. Yes, they were right. But, I was talking about doing something unique and it was going to take some time. My father gave me another option. He suggested me to start any production line or workshop. He wasn’t against doing a business, but against doing business of selling an idea. Because, it is more difficult to sell an idea than to sell a product. But, I wasn’t interested. I didn’t counter them at any point of time, because I knew that they had closed their minds to my inputs. We had completely opposite set of beliefs. In the end, I asked them for some time to think. I didn’t want to go back to my engineering life. I asked for some time to think of different way to convince them. They agreed.

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This post is also a part of Ultimate Blog Challenge and A to Z Challenge. 

Today's letter is 'F'.

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