WHY DO I MAKE WRONG CHOICES EVERY TIME?

Why things go right when others make choices for me and go wrong when I make choices for myself? Do I not know how to predict what will work and what will not? We can’t be right every time when we make choices, but I am not able to any exception for that when I made a choice for myself. Or I get so desperate to prove myself right that I forget to do what is right, to enjoy the journey, not thinking about the consequences and proving others that I’m right. Or I make some irrational choices those are certain to fail because those are out of the world and don’t fit into the world or so called system.

When others make choices for me, they make it according to system and those will be right as those are according to system and system always wins. But what’s the point in going according to system if our beliefs differ from what system says. When we make choices those are against the current, the level of determination required to swim is greater than which is required for swimming with current. The dead fish can swim with the flow. A lot of people swim with the flow, because they don’t have reason to swim against the current. When those who dare to swim against and fail, they judge them on the same ability required to flow with the current.

Yes, swimming against the current is an irrational decision, an unreasonable choice. But is it necessary to make the right choices every time. If we start making the right choices every time, then from where we will learn? Either we are so intelligent that we tested everything that could go wrong or we are so fortunate that everything turns out to be as planned. But both of these things are irrational. To test everything we have to know what could go wrong and that wisdom comes from experience and experience comes from the wrong choices. The mistakes or wrong choices made as early as possible have an advantage. The more wrong choices we make, the wiser we become at early age.

When I make wrong choices, every time it makes me wiser. Let go what people think about it. Only those who are dissatisfied with themselves judge others. Instead of helping and learning from others’ bad choices, they are content with the failures to make them feel good about themselves. It gives them satisfaction that there are losers in the world other than me. But those who fail due to irrational decisions and learn something from it, which makes them wiser, are they failure? Should they be judged on the same scale as others who are right because they made choices based on what flowing with current says, what system says. Anybody can do that, even the dead fish. But that’s not a choice. That’s not taking any decision due to fear of failure. Actually it is not wrong to make choice to go with the flow. The types of difficulties are different on both paths. Flowing with current involves competition, crowd and unpredictability of existence. Swimming against involves fear of failure, isolation and uncertainty. What’s wrong is judging people who make choice of swimming against current and flowing with current on same scale.

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OPEN MINDED - WHAT DOES IT ACTUALLY MEAN?

Open minded are not those who say that they are open minded in today’s open minded world, but never let their girls wear small cloths thinking it provokes rape. Open minded people are not those who say they are open minded but do not let their child marry a girl from another caste. Open minded are not those who say they are open minded, but after knowing a girl’s best friend is a boy, they think she sleeps with him. Open minded are not those who say they are open minded, but never want to marry a non-virgin girl thinking that she is a slut. Open minded are not those who say they are open minded, but have problem with their children who want to follow their dreams, because their dreams are impossible. Open minded are not those who say they are open minded, but never accept homosexuality thinking mentally retarded people do that.

In the society, a lot of people pretend being open minded, but only when it comes to other people about whom they do not care, about whom they don’t give a damn. When it comes to them, they are conservative, reserved, closed minded about some issues, especially those which puts people in minority, out of flow. When they see other girls wearing short clothes, they think this is today’s generation, the world is changing. When their own girl asks for permission to allow her to wear skirts, they are not allowed. The explanation is what will people think or it provokes rape? They don’t realize that when they were the ‘people’, they didn’t care. And only rapist mind is responsible for rapes. Women are raped in full clothes. It doesn’t matter what kind of clothes they are wearing, what matters is our attitude towards it. It is all about attitude. Some guys date those girls who think they are open minded, but do not want to introduce to his parents, because according to them, she is not that type of girl. What type of guys they are? They work with the female colleagues, but never want their wife to work outside kitchen. Why does everything change when it concerns us?

If it not acceptable to wear small clothes, then we should not pretend that we are open minded. We are asking someone to compromise their individuality, so we should not have problem when someone is asking us to compromise ours. If we are dominating others, we should not expect freedom of choice. If we have a bad attitude of looking at others who are open minded, we should not expect them look at from a good point of view because we are closed minded. In the name of tradition and culture, we are putting restrictions on them. Indirectly, we are not only putting the restrictions, we are depriving them of their birthrights.

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This post is also a part of Ultimate Blog Challenge and A to Z Challenge. 

Today's letter is 'O'.

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GRATITUDE LETTER

Continued From -  FACE IT

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I thought about different ways to convince them for next two days. While trying to figure out ways from whatever I had read till that day, it reminded me of one of the principles mentioned in book, ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People.’ It said that when you want others to appreciate what you have, you should first appreciate what they have. It applied in my situation that I should tell my parents what they had done to me and they will appreciate what I have. The only way to make them believe in me was to appreciate their efforts, their sacrifices and their love.

But, how to do it? Only telling them won’t make any difference. There should be the way in which my deepest feeling will be conveyed. Again, my reading habit came to the rescue. I read a book, ‘The Whole New Mind,’ by Daniel Pink, in which he mentioned about gratitude letters. Writing a letter to your loved ones to thank them for whatever they had done for you. It should be written on the paper in your own handwriting, no typing and read aloud in front of them. He also mentioned that people cry after reading and listening to these letters. Relationships had been healed, strong bonding had been restored and lot more benefits with the single letter.

The concept was simple, but the execution was so difficult for me. I think twice, thrice before asking anything to my father. How was I going to write and read a gratitude letter in these conditions in which he might be mad at me? It was exciting, but I thought about discarding this way. But I had no other way, so I decided to go with this.

For the whole night, when everybody slept, I took a pen and a book and started thinking about all the sacrifices or special things they had done for me from the childhood. Reminiscing all, I made some rough notes of memories. I could recollect from 3^rd standard. Once I got enough memories, I started writing an actual letter. My chest was pounding. I couldn’t imagine what will happen when I will actually read aloud in front of them. It was Thursday night. Till 4 am in the morning, I finished both the letters. One for mother and one for father. I decided that I will read them in front of them on Saturday night. I couldn’t gather courage on that night. So I decided, on the Sunday night. Again, I couldn’t.

While sleeping, I was determined that I will do it next morning no matter what. On the Monday morning, I took two letters and two photographs. One photograph was me and father in which he was holding me on right arm when I was 2 years old and another was me and mother in same pose. I went into the hall. He was watching TV. Without giving any idea of what I was going to do, I started reading the letter which included little incidences of sacrifices and special things he did for me from childhood till that day and thanked him for each and every little thing. He was startled. When I finished reading, I gave it to him with a photograph. I did the same thing with my mother. When I finished with both, father didn’t take it seriously and mother demanded that I should write a book on her, only a letter won’t do anything. We chuckled. I didn’t get any reaction mentioned in that book, so I was little disappointed thinking that the impact hadn’t been made.

After two minutes silence, my mother asked why did I do it? I answered that to appreciate what you had done for me. Then she asked me about what had whether I decided about my future. I told them that I want 4 months to test this idea, and then I will decide what to do. They agreed. I was happy. At least for 4 months, I will live my dream. Who knows what will happen next? But, one thing I learned that day. Only 20 seconds of courage and everything changes.

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This post is also a part of Ultimate Blog Challenge and A to Z Challenge. 

Today's letter is 'G'.

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