How We Smile While Lying

Using a smile to conceal negative or genuine feelings can be a smart thing to avoid dispute or exposing honest feelings which can create problems. Ekman et al. conducted an experiment to know the difference between how people smile genuinely and how they smile when they are lying about pleasant feelings. 

47 student nurses were recruited for this study. They were videotaped while watching two short films. One short film was arousing pleasant feelings and another, arousing upsetting feelings.  Two scenarios were set to give their responses to an interviewer. In honest scenario, they were asked to discuss their honest feelings about film arousing pleasant feelings. 

In deceptive scenario, they had to convince interviewer that they experienced pleasant feelings while watching film arousing upsetting and depressing feelings.

Two types of smiles were distinguished as felt happy smiles and masking smiles. Felt happy smiles were identified by the activity of muscles around the eyes along with corners of mouth raised.

While masking smile is identified by raising corners of mouth only. It was found that when enjoyment was experienced, felt happy smiles occurred more often than masking smile. 

When subjects attempted to hide strong negative emotions, masking smile occurred more often than felt happy smiles. When you don’t see any activity around the eyes when someone is smiling; tell them you caught them lying and ask what is that they are hiding.

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Reference – Paul Ekman, Wallace Friesen, University of California, San Francisco. Maureen O’Sullivan, University of San Francisco. 

Research paper name – Smiles When Lying. 

Published in – Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1988)

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DISCOVERY - TURNING THE BLESSING INTO A TRAGEDY

The time was for preparation leave for final exams. I was supposed to be preparing for those, but my mind was busy in brainstorming the ideas of business. The focus should have been studies, but I couldn’t help it. Whether it maybe bike riding or swimming or a new idea, I get so obsessed with it in early stages. When we could do a new thing, we get so much interested that we want to explore every small thing of it and do it as soon as possible. That excitement is different. For the whole day, I used to think about how will I do it, what is going to happen, and the real work didn’t even start, but I was visualizing lot of things.

In addition to that, I made a discovery. From 3 years, I found 3 patterns in smile which could be related to human nature, but in those days while thinking about smile and these business strategies, I got a new ways to look smile. It resulted in 3 new patterns in smile. I got those three patterns, but didn’t have criteria to relate to in human nature. I was supposed to keep these things out of my mind, but it actually equipped my mind. I wasn’t able to concentrate on studies. I was thinking more about those 3 patterns and how to relate to human nature. The obsession for smile was driving me away from the important things at that time. The focus shifted results in undesired consequences. I wasn’t able to answer questions in orals, college teachers were so disappointed with me and I was being naïve with no sense of responsibility.

It was final year, the most crucial. I had to graduate or things will get difficult in future. The most difficult part, which is convincing my parents to let me choose the road less travelled will get more difficult if I don’t have a degree certificate. Else, they wouldn’t believe in me thinking that if I can’t crack the university exam, how will I survive the tougher challenges of life? Maybe they would ask me to do a job first and then do the business as part time, or they would never be convinced with my idea, because it doesn’t exist and thinking no one will pay me for that, I’ll struggle for making ends meet. Lots of challenges were there, but the most important thing at that time was to complete graduation and if I don’t study, how will I pass?

Eventually, it happened what I didn’t want to happen. I couldn’t focus on studies; my mind was overflowing with ideas and fantasies all the time. I used to open the book, but the focus was on smile. Due to lack of focus, I couldn’t write enough to pass the examination. I left two papers blank, barely wrote to get 20 marks out of 100. I was in deep trouble. Things were happening with me much faster that I couldn’t relax my mind and focus on important thing. The discovery supposed to be blessing, but I made it a tragedy by being naïve. I didn’t even know how would I tell my parents that I was getting 2 backlogs? They don’t believe in concepts living a dream, living in uncertainty or taking risks to follow passion and sacrificing everything to focus on one thing. They always believed in getting a well secured job and do everything else after the start of fixed income. I realized my mistake, but the time was gone. Only consequences were the sure thing, and I wasn’t going to like it. 

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This post is also a part of Ultimate Blog Challenge and A to Z Challenge. 

Today's letter is 'D'.

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To know more about yourself from your smile, send me photo of your smile. I respect your privacy, so I assure you that your identity will not be revealed anywhere. And this service is absolutely free!!

Email Id. - iwantsmileforme@gmail.com

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CLARITY IS STRENGTH

Confusion gets us nowhere; it’s the clarity that gives us strength to move forward. One thing was clear to me that if I want to live life of my dreams, I have to follow people who are doing it and take their guidance. It doesn’t matter whether I’m meeting them in person or I’m reading about them, watching their videos or reading the wisdom they shared through books. I have to get into the mindsets of great people if I want to be like them. From one year, I had been reading various books that would give me a way to do something with the knowledge I have, but at that moment I had a clear idea of which books should I read, what were my circumstances and how great ones used to think in those situations. Being an introvert, I gave more emphasis on reading books, blogs, watching videos online, listening to podcasts and audio books.

I came across some great wisdom that was giving me the clarity of my vision; not of business, but of life. I fell in love with quotes. They are short, but convey deep meaning. Through quotes, I was getting more clarity, and by reading books, watching inspirational and motivational videos, my belief system was forming. Because of it, I felt that I was on different mindset, on different magnitude, thinking on whole new level. Robin Sharma said, “Either you can change the world or worry about fitting in, but you can’t do both,” which gave me confidence that I have to choose one path. Thinking about path, I came across a great poem by Robert Frost, ‘The Road Not Taken’, in which said, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

Yes, I’ll take the road less traveled, but will things work out right? And Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” I realized that I have to take the first step in faith. But, there will be ups and downs, how will I survive those times. What if I suffer? What if first step in faith proved to be right, but after that, it falls apart? I got answer of it in Paolo Coelho’s book, The Alchemist, in which he said, “No heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams.” I was relieved but still thinking about backup plan, though all these lines were inspirational and appealing to anyone to follow their dreams. It all seems captivating from outside, to read these lines, thinking that everything will be alright, I won’t be suffering, but in reality, will everything happen in a way I planned? Yes, I have to improvise, change strategies, but will this give me the happiness and sense of fulfillment?

Few days of self doubt and I watched a TED talk by leadership expert Simon Sinek, ‘How Great Leaders Inspire Action’, in which he explained how great leaders survive in the difficult times and they inspire others to take actions without using carrots and sticks method. He also wrote a book named ‘Start With Why.’ In the book, he explained that the great leaders start with the question ‘Why’, not ‘What’. Before doing anything, they think about why they want to do what they want to do. That ‘Why’ gives them the courage to persevere in difficult times. Friedrich Nietzsche said, ‘He who has why to live can bear anyhow.’ This wisdom was giving me confidence to do, to prepare my mind for the uncertain future. I was reading more and more about how great leaders think, how they do the things, what gives them the courage to take risks and succeed.

I made a decision that instead of thinking about backup plan, why not to think how plan-A will work out right? Instead of wasting energy in preparing some backup plan, why not to invest that energy in making plan-A a successful adventure? As Paulo Coelho said, “When you want something, the whole universe conspires you in helping you achieve it.” Clarity is strength. I was clear that I was going to do something impossible, unrealistic, unreasonable and impractical. Something the world doesn’t know about. I was going to do a business based on my research how smile is related to human nature and solve people’s personal as well as relationship problems through their smile.

Thanks to the great ones for sharing their wisdom through different mediums.

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This post is also a part of Ultimate Blog Challenge and A to Z Challenge. 

Today's letter is 'C'.

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To know more about yourself from your smile, send me photo of your smile. I respect your privacy, so I assure you that your identity will not be revealed anywhere. And this service is absolutely free!!

Email Id. - iwantsmileforme@gmail.com

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BACKUP - PLAN B

Lot of things were going in my mind for few days after getting the idea. I don’t know anything about how to run a business, who will be potential clients, how much they will pay me for this, and all. But, the fiercest thoughts were what if things don’t work out? What will I do then? What is my backup plan? Yes, I was going to complete engineering, but I needed to convince my parents that I could do this; but they were going ask me, what if you can’t? One thing was clear to me that there was no way I wanted to go in engineering field, but no one knows whether it was going to work or not. There has been nothing of this kind before. Yes, there are palm readers, face readers, but smile readers? How people will be reacting.

After thinking a lot, I decided that I will find a solution where this idea won’t fail and I don’t need backup plan then. I love reading, so I started collecting books which would guide me to find a way. I wanted to know how they plant new ideas in people’s mind and do business successfully. I was watching Oprah Winfrey’s 2008 Stanford Commencement Speech. In the speech, she mentioned a book by Dan Pink, ‘A Whole New Mind – Why Right Brainers Will Rule The Future’. So I started read that book. In the book, he explained why a new mind will be lead the 21^st century, how we are transforming from information age to conceptual age. I could relate it with me. It seemed that that book had been written for me. It gave me confidence that I can rule the future, because the things I was doing were right brained things like pattern recognition, being intuitive, creative, imaginative, big picture oriented thinking, etc. The book convinced me that I was on the right path.

But, the mind. It was telling me that this is not my cup of tea. It was a big risk, a gamble, no one do that. People don’t even know what you do. When some uncle or relatives will ask you what do you do, what will you say? They will not understand. Do a job and do this part time. Don’t gamble with your life and lot more thoughts were haunting my mind. It was saying to have a backup plan is reasonable and mature. Don’t be a kid. You have to take responsibility and get a real job. Keep this idea as a Plan-B. It’s safe and secure. Once you fail in this, then it will be harder for you to take a U-turn.

I told some of my friends that I was planning to do the full-time business. They were happy that I was having some balls, I was taking brave decisions, some were thinking that I’ve gone crazy, but many were like great, dude, work for yourself, don’t work for others, you’ll have freedom. But, in my mind, I wasn’t so sure after reading the book and encouragement from my friends. After all, everything seems fascinating from outside, but the real taste can be known when we actually get into the arena. So, I was thinking about having a backup plan. But, sometimes I thought that why to work for others, if I have my own dreams that make me happy; and plan-B may distract plan-A. But what’s the plan-A here? Honestly, I was confused when I started this about reality. 

Some insights from this phase:

1. It only gets harder when we think about living on our terms.

2. Difficult things make us stronger and more creative.

What Do you think, should we have a backup plan??

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This post is also a part of Ultimate Blog Challenge and A to Z Challenge. 

Today's letter is 'B'.

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To know more about yourself from your smile, send me photo of your smile. I respect your privacy, so I assure you that your identity will not be revealed anywhere. And this service is absolutely free!!

Email Id. - iwantsmileforme@gmail.com

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AHA MOMENT - HOW I GOT THE UNIQUE BUSINESS IDEA

It was 31^st March, 2014. In the night, I went to sleep as usual. But, I wasn’t able to sleep because I slept in the afternoon. I was just lying on bed. Before the sleep and after waking up, our mind is calm and still. That is the time when we think about ourselves the most. That is the time for reflection. I was in final year of engineering. The only question in my mind was what to do after engineering. I chose engineering thinking that I’ll have a secured job and stable life, but I didn’t want to build a career in that because it does not articulate my inner feelings and aspirations.

I have been researching on how smile is related to human nature from 5 years. I wanted to do something related to that which will give me purpose as well as money. I had searching for an answer to question ‘what to do’ from 8-10 months. This field does not exist yet. No one knows about how it works, actually no one knew that something like this even exist. I had unique and different skill, but the knowledge without application is useless.

As I was just lying on bed, I was contemplating about what was happening in my life. The thought were centered to only one thing: Smile. I watched an inspirational video of an entrepreneur, D. S. Kulkarni, before going to bed. He said that he felt no shame while doing any kind of work, no matter how small it might be. I tried to relate that to my life. What was my work? Just researching and feeding my curiosity? Then how will I survive on it? And I don’t want to do work in engineering field.

Thinking about work and smile, from nowhere, an incident came to my mind when I explained my friend, how smile is related to his nature and how relationship problems can be solved using my theory. He had a break-up and I helped him get over that girl using my research. It happened six months ago. And it occurred to me, what if I do the same with people and get paid for it. That means I’ll do what I always wanted to do and make money. I’ll become a consultant, an entrepreneur and add value to people’s lives through my business. Wow! That makes me unique as well. I was wondering that why it didn’t occur to me before. I consulted him six months ago, I had an idea stored in my mind for those days, but it never occurred. I started thinking about the services I can provide through smile and my research, fantasizing interactions with clients and feeling happy for adding value to their lives. I was like a kid who got a bicycle as a surprise gift from his parents. He couldn’t believe that he was having his own bicycle and lost in fantasies.

I saw the timing in mobile. It was 4:55am. I was still awake. I couldn’t believe that I was going to have my own business. Seriously?! The feeling was so overwhelming that all the attempts to fall asleep failed due to excitement. I didn’t realize when I slept that night. The next day was never going to the same. Actually my life was not going to be the same again.

For this whole month, I’ll be sharing some important moments of my one year journey with you with no filtering, same as it happened. In addition to that, I’ll be sharing some insights in every post which I learnt along the journey that will help you in your life and business.

Some insights from this incidence:

1. Whatever we need is within us. No need to waste time searching for it outside.

2. We will get the answers, if we keep looking without loosing hope.

3. Two things that are in abundance in our mind: Ideas & Dreams.

4. We become the most powerful when we listen to our intuitions and decide to follow them.

Share your AHA moment in comments...

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This post is also a part of Ultimate Blog Challenge and A to Z Challenge. Today's letter is 'A'.

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To know more about yourself from your smile, send me photo of your smile. I respect your privacy, so I assure you that your identity will not be revealed anywhere. And this service is absolutely free!!
Email Id. - iwantsmileforme@gmail.com

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RUNNING A BUSSINESS: SHARING AN EXPERIENCE – FERGUSSON COLLEGE DAY 1 & 2

After one week gap of useless excuses, I went to Fergusson College, Shivajinagar, Pune for promotional campaigning. I wasn’t in flow, my confidence was down. In addition to that I had to do everything in college campus. It has a huge campus, so no one hangs out outside of college. On first day, I didn’t do anything. I could dare to do it in campus. The feeling of breaking the rules and not being in flow was overwhelming. I could not gather courage to show up. I knew everything what to do, but for 2 hours I was roaming in campus. I thought that I should not waste time for no reason. I observed everything, where people hang out, where are security guards, where are kattas, what kind of people study there, so basically I wanted to know the whole scenario. For the first day, I didn’t approach anyone due to no reason, but I gathered the information needed.

As I didn’t do anything on day one, I decided that today I will approach the first group I’ll come across. Before entering in the campus, I was ready with everything I needed to show up and saw the first group of 10 students. Without thinking twice, I approached them. This time I changed a strategy little bit. In modern college, it was explaining the whole file, all about my work, services I provide and then giving a demo of analysis of smile to a random person from the group. This time, after giving a short introduction about me & informing about what I do, I picked the most popular guy of the group using simple observations. The one who shows the most interest and first to take initiative to take the file from me to know what it is about. As I started telling about him, everyone was nodding in surprise and as soon as I finished telling about him, everyone in the group was like ‘wow, man! You got it all correct!’ Everyone was shocked and this reaction was so different than the reactions I used to get in modern college.

Then, I explained the whole file. Everybody got interested and wanted to know more about themselves. But I said that due to time limitations, I can tell about two or three, not more than that. They understood it. And a girl said pointing to a guy and a girl that they are in a relationship and wanted me to tell whether they have future together or not. I told them that I can’t reveal this information in front of everyone, it’s confidential, but I can tell about any one of them from his or her smile. They agreed. As I started telling that guy everyone’s attention was on him, but a girl from back side pointing towards the most popular guy secretly, avoiding anyone’s attention asked me whether their relationship will work or not. I was explaining a guy about him and she was signaling with her hand, pointing toward the most popular guy and wanted to know secretly without anyone’s attention. In my mind, I was ‘lol, what was that?’ But on face, I overlooked it, smiled at her and continued explaining. Then, explained about another girl, asked them whether they want to ask any doubts, cleared their doubts and left with a satisfaction that I got into flow.

I approached more groups in college. It went as usual. Before approaching any group, I used look around if any college officials were there and then approached. Breaking the rules is so much fun and exciting. Another thing that I changed from this college, whenever I approach any group, I used to look around avoiding eye contact and then go to them; but this time I started looking into the eyes of some of the students in the group. It increases confidence and it’s relaxing. Eye contact makes a lot of difference. I approached 30 students overall in various groups and left the college.

As I came out of gate, I saw group of 4 students. One of the girls was holding a book named ‘social psychology’. I thought that they would understand everything what I was about to present. Immediately, I opened my bag, took files out and thought that I shouldn’t approach them on street-side, I should approach them tomorrow. But I decided that I should not think twice. So I approached them, asked them whether they were psychology students. Only one girl was. I started explaining file, the same strategy I used for this college. To my surprise, as I started telling the girl about her from her smile, she was shocked; all of them were giving same amount of attention and listening earnestly. Their reactions were amazed me. We had an intelligent conversation. I was glad that I took the step. The street wasn’t the matter anymore. I gave my contact details and left. The day was over.

I am sharing some insights that would help you in your endevour to design the best life for me and yourself:

1. If we are not confident, just pretend and feel like we are confident. It makes a difference and more relaxing.

2. Look around before breaking the rule. When the field is clear, then take the step. It's fun but risky as well.

3. Do not procrastinate an important thing that is so close to you. We do not know whether we will get tomorrow.

4. Embrace what's uncomfortable. We will never be the same person as before. Stretching ourselves is not easy, but the self satisfaction is more beautiful.

Thanks for reading. Add your own lessons and express your views if I missed anything, give your feedback to improve...

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To know more about yourself from your smile, send me photo of your smile. I respect your privacy, so I assure you that your identity will not be revealed anywhere. And this service is absolutely free!!
Email Id. - iwantsmileforme@gmail.com

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(Man Offering Hand Shake Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

8 Ways I will help you bring SMILE For You In 2015

Alas for those that never sing, but die with all their music in them. — OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES, THE VOICELESS

This year, do not hold yourself back by giving in to fears and unleash your greatest potential.

8 Ways I will help you bring SMILE For You In 2015:

1.  Sharing the experiences lessons learnt while running a business on facebook, blog that will help you in your endeavor. Subscribe or Follow blog via email. Let's be friends on facebook: Pratik Kirve

2.  Share your personal stories, experiences and struggle on your facebook profile and blogs. I’ll share them on my blog, facebook profile, page SMILE FOR YOU and twitter.

3.  Helping you know more about yourself. Send photo of your smile at iwantsmileforme@gmail.com

4.  Sharing self-help eBooks that will help you to grow your wisdom and conscience. Download some eBooks from here: Free EBooks

5.  Sharing inspirational, motivational and meaningful videos, podcasts that will help you get out of your comfort zone and do the right thing.
Watch: Be Different - http://youtu.be/lTBsVx89Sps

6.  Consulting personally to help you find meaning and purpose in life and solve any other problems through your smile. Visit – Know Yourself

7.  Setting a vision for your life to supercharge you to live your life to its full potential every day.

8.  If you are struggling in a relationship, consulting you to solve your problems to cherish and experience a ton of joy. Visit - Relationships

Watch a video to know more: http://youtu.be/cXId2sJi_C0

“The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.” – William James

Just let me know how can I help you???   

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(Man Offering Hand Shake Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

5 LESSONS I LEARNT WHILE RUNNING A BUSINESS: SHARING AN EXPERIENCE - DAY OF WHAT WAS THAT?

I have started a consulting business to solve people’s problems from their smiles. For the promotion of idea and how it will help them solve their problems in life, I decided that I’ll go to various colleges to target youth. First college was Modern College of Arts, Science & Commerce, Pune. I am sharing the experience and what I learnt from THIRD & FOURTH DAY of promotional campaigning in the college. Due to problems in my computer, I couldn’t share this on time.

I met a friend on the way and he introduced me to his friend. I told his friend about him from his smile, gave examples according to who he was, told about everything I can do with smile and it was great.

But when I reached college, I was in different mood. I don’t know why, but it didn’t feel right to start, it wasn’t an embarrassment or fear or any other negative thoughts coming in my mind. It just didn’t feel right to show up and speak, share what’s inside or to interact with them. I wasn’t in mood to do what I had to do there. I sat there, observing people, noticing reactions, and thinking what’s the matter with me? I decided that I would stay calm and then start. But after some time, it didn’t feel the drive to show up. I had business to run, it’s just a start and I can’t run it in this way. I can’t work whenever I’m in mood, it just doesn’t work in this way. But I didn’t feel right. But that doesn’t mean I should sit there and do nothing. If mood drives me, I won’t do much. If I don’t ask, the answer is always no. Regardless of all the facts, it didn’t feel right to show up. I was sitting on a bike, observing; but couldn’t understand what the matter with me was?

Was it the same matter I was going to repeat again and again, but that’s my work, I have to do it. Was it fear of what they will say? No, if it was that, I would have not been started at the first place. Was it mood off? That’s unprofessional. How am I gonna build a business with that attitude? If I don’t have enthusiasm in me, how am I going to transfer that enthusiasm into people? Was it because I’m alone, worked too much on the day before, worked continuously from many days and I got bored, if it would have been a team or another partner, I would have done it. No, no, it’s another excuse for not having the drive and enthusiasm. Then what was it? Why am I finding excuse and over-thinking, rather than doing what should be done. Or I am finding all these excuses to convince myself that It’s okay to feel the way I was feeling and that’s not unprofessional, I’m not a moody guy, I’m committed to my work, but sometimes it’s fine. But it was hampering business.

It’s just a beginning and if I am operating in this way, how will I survive? Yes, I was working on everything from 2 weeks continuously without rest, so was it overwork? No, it’s nothing, not even a hard work. I got tensed again, thinking if this is going in this way, how am I going to operate in future? Again, I was trying to convince me that I’m not being unprofessional, sometimes this happens and I was trying to find an excuse for it. I was wasting my time and energy and creativity in justifying for my inactions. For one and half hour, I was sitting, walking back and forth, thinking of excuses and finding an explanation for lack of enthusiasm. In the end, I decided to pack up. I didn’t do anything on that day and decided to take a break on next day to get refreshed.

On the next day, I thought about taking a day-off. I woke up late, doing everything slowly. Everything was going smoothly and my phone rang. A friend of mine called me after 4 years asking what I was doing, what kind of business I was running and all. I tried to explain him on phone, but he didn’t understand it. So, we decided to meet in the evening.

In the meeting, I told everything about the business, how I started the research, how the business idea emerged, and lot many things about what services I provide and how smile contributes in that. He was shocked after listening everything. Then he shared his problem. It was about finding meaning and sense of purpose in life. I helped him to find his inner voice and he told me that many of his friends were struggling with the same problem. One common pattern that I observed was: they don’t think about ‘why’ before doing anything. Also, I cleared that I was not going to tell anyone what the purpose of their life is, but will try to find what their inner voice is? He promised to give referrals to his friends.

In the end, he was asking for my fees. I told him that I don’t charge any fees for friends. So whoever is reading this, if you are my friend, all the services are free for you. If you are struggling with any problem, just ask and if I know I can solve it through smile, it’s free for you. Here is why it’s free for all friends and relatives: While researching I observed you, interacted with you and from your actions and smile, I developed a theory by relating your smile and your nature. Though I used my way of thinking to form a theory, I have taken something from you. Your smile, your thinking, your actions, your reactions. I am giving you back something I’ve taken from you. So there are no charges for friends and relatives.

I am sharing some insights that would help you in your endevour to design the best life for me and yourself:

1. Either do it or don’t do it. Do not use your creative mind to find excuses or justifications for our inactions or inabilities.

2. Don’t overwork. Productivity reduces. If want to overwork, work if you have holiday on the next day.

3. Think about ‘WHY’ before you think about ‘WHAT’. It makes a lot of difference.

4. Everyone has a mad curiosity in them. Feed it; never let other’s voices shut off that curiosity.

5. Uncertainty is the only certain thing.

Thanks for reading. Add your own lessons and express your views if I missed anything, give your feedback to improve..

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To know more about yourself from your smile, send me photo of your smile. I respect your privacy, so I assure you that your identity will not be revealed anywhere. And this service is absolutely free!!

Email Id. - iwantsmileforme@gmail.com